Calling all Dads/non-nursing parents of a breastfed child!

After several years of being distracted by other wonderful projects, I am finally coming back to my first breastfeeding book, "Welcome to the Milkbar! Getting Breastfeeding Started." In the foreseeable future, this book for pregnant mothers wanting to get breastfeeding off to a good start will be available as an ebook, updated and revised!

Meanwhile, I am working on a second book, "Barbacking at the Milkbar: Supporting the Breastfeeding Pair" for the support person. As crucial as we know you are, there are almost no resources available for you! However, to make it a meaningful, helpful book, I need to hear from you! If you (or someone you know) fits the description of the non-breastfeeding parent of a breastfed child, please take a moment to answer a few questions about your experience. Please know I won't share your answers in any way that will identify you without you permission. You can email answers to me directly at kitchentablehealth@yahoo.com, or answer in the comments below.

Think of this as a chance to sit over a beer or coffee with someone who needs your advice, about to embark on parenting, and no one else is around. What would you say?

Questions for Partners of Breastfeeding Mothers:

1. What was the best advice you received or discovered? How was it helpful to you?

2. What advice/knowledge would you like to have received before your baby was born? How would it have helped?

3. Where did you find information about breastfeeding? Where (or how) would you have liked to have received that information?

4. What was your role in breastfeeding? Did it change over time?

5. What would you have wanted your role to have been in breastfeeding? Would that have changed over time?

6. Would you describe your family's breastfeeding experience as successful? In what ways was it or was it not successful?

7. What other stories, anecdotes, wisdom or advice would you offer to people about to be parents and hoping to support the mom in breastfeeding?

Thank you! I really appreciate your time, thought and generosity in sharing your experiences with the next generation of parents.

Diet is a four-letter word

I'm going to say it. I'm going to take the stand and admit, not only do I not diet, but I advocate strongly against dieting. There is much damage being done by our current dieting industry and the many well-intentioned health professionals advocating dieting.

The founding principle of dieting is that dieting = weight loss = beauty. In my industry, many will argue that in the place of beauty, health should sit. However, others have argued at length and more eloquently the fallacy of this assertion, at least from a cultural/societal level. I'm going to make the bold assertion that this is wrong. All wrong. Starting from back to front.

First, let's talk about beauty. Beauty is a cultural construct. Remember the pictures in National Geographic, designed to exotify the cultures explored therein? Most of what was considered most extreme, from extended necks and lips and ear lobes, to ritual scaring, to bound feet, to face painting or headdresses, are in the name of beauty. Just a different idea of beauty than ours. However, our culture is not so terribly different, trying to sculpt the body's shape, alter the coloration and hair patterns. And our means are similar -- surgery, daily painting, deprivation or contraptions.

So what constitutes current American concepts of beauty? Look around. The actresses in shows and movies, the models in magazines and advertisements. At this moment in U.S. cultural history, they represent a body type that is only even possible for a fraction of a percent of the population. We are no longer talking about a healthy ideal for the population, but an impossible image for nearly all women looking at those pictures. Then, those actresses and models are pressured into altering their bodies to a more extreme image, one that is not healthy for them to maintain, despite having started with that rare-but-desirable body type. And, to add insult to injury, their images are manipulated so that they are even more impossibly perfect. We are constantly being told that we are not beautiful because we don't look like someone who a) is atypical for our species, b) is already killing herself -- quite literally -- to look like that, and c) has some techie carving her electronically. Sounds reasonable, right?

I'd also like to point out the absurd idea that making ourselves more attractive physically, even if it were possible on this scale, is all that desirable. How does "improving oneself" translate to physical beauty? How about wisdom, knowledge, patience, kindness? People always say they want a mate who has some of those things, who "makes me laugh," but we still know that in this culture, the expectation is to look better/thinner, not to be a better person. Take a minute to think about that idea.

Now, back to the equation. Is losing weight a desirable end? No. Not for beauty reasons. Not even for health ones. Let me give you an example. I used to know two women, friends, that liked to go out dancing together. One was thin (anorexic, but that was only figured out later), pretty and a good dancer. The other was significantly larger (outside the ideal for this culture) and very confident. Guess who got the attention. Ms. Confidence. Every time. She walked into the room with the air of someone who was stunningly beautiful. The fact that she wasn't was irrelevant to the reaction she got. She was not arrogant or rude, just absolutely confident. Her confidence made her beautiful in a way that a changed body would not. As I think through my life, time and again this principle has played out. Can you think of a time when you've seen this effect? Try this out. Stand in front of the mirror. If you stand like most women I've met, your shoulders are either rounded forward or dropped down -- not confident. Pull yourself up to your full height. How do you look now? Now imagine that with the glow of happiness and confidence. Pretty powerful stuff.

As far as health is concerned, weight, or even inches, are not the best indicator of a healthier you. I know of research that argues otherwise. It is based on populations, not on individuals (and is too numerous to link to it all here). If your lifestyle is in need of rebalancing, and that is an extremely common problem in this time and place, the results of a healthier lifestyle may not be fewer pounds or inches. First, muscle mass is heavier than fat. If you are in need of losing fat (again, a common outcome of our out-of-balance cultural context), it is likely that you will replace it with muscle, which would increase your weight on the scale, while still being healthy. You also might not be in need of losing weight at all, even while being out of balance. If you want to be healthy, look for balance and authenticity, and my next blog post for more details.

Finally, does dieting equal losing weight, anyway? Not for most people. As noted in NaturalNews, "low calorie dieting slows your metabolism, making it progressively more difficult to lose weight and keep it off. The failure rate of most diets is astronomical, yet people continue to try one after another, always hoping that each new scheme will provide the solution." In addition to a variety of real dangers posed by dieting (including emotional and physical), there is little evidence that dieting leads to a lower weight. In fact, dieting is frequently associated with weight gain, even after having controlled for a tendency towards gaining weight in the first place. Short-term symptoms of dieting include fatigue, hunger, food obsession, difficulties concentrating, to name a few. A wonderful illustration of the absurdity of dieting is provided at BodyImageHealth.org in the form of the air diet, which produces the same short-term symptoms. The long-term impacts are complex and can include self-esteem issues, disordered eating habits (with varied side-effects), immune system problems, weight gain and metabolism disruptions, growth and development delays for younger dieters, and in extreme cases death (faster and surer than overweight.)

In a nutshell, dieting ≠ weight loss ≠ beauty... or health for that matter. There. I've said it.

Getting through the Peak of Flu Season

This article was written with Katja Swift, a clinical herbalist practicing in the Boston area. By teaching people how to eat real food and use plants as medicine, she helps them to reestablish their connections to the earth, to themselves, and to one another. Contact her for more information at www.katjaswift.com.

This winter has been particularly harsh weather-wise, and while the back of the winter may have been broken (or not, time will tell), we are just now hitting what is considered the peak of flu and cold season. The timing of the two are not completely coincidental; although colds and flus are not caused by cold weather, staying inside is. When we stay inside, all snuggly warm, with drafts blocked up, the viruses that cause colds and flus are shared. So, how to make it to Spring (real, no more snow or frozen temperatures Spring) as healthy as possible?

Avoiding the flu and colds

Since no one really wants to experience the discomfort and inconvenience of a cold or flu, it makes the most sense to start with prevention.

To flu shot or to not flu shot?

I’ve previously written about why I don’t recommend flu vaccines – either annual or the H1N1. While many people (and professionals) disagree with me on this subject, at this time of year the choice is more of a fait accompli. If you got it, you got it; if not, it does not make sense to get it now. The viruses that give us colds and the flu are always mutating. The vaccine is based on last year’s strains. At best, if this year’s strains are particularly similar to last year’s the vaccine might have been 70-90% effective. If the vaccine is not as good of a match to this year’s strains, the effectiveness goes down sharply, even to not-at-all. However, as the viruses have been mutating since the vaccine was developed, it is a lot less effective to get the vaccine late in the season. Either way, there is still a lot you can do to decrease your chances of getting a cold or flu.

Mother Nature’s flu prevention: Garlic

The simplest way to boost your body’s resistance is to suck on some garlic! Peel one clove of garlic and suck on it for 15 minutes. Chewing it can be quite intense and some find it too strong for the stomach, but “gnawing” on it a little (pressing gently with your teeth) is the right idea, to gently release the oils. It’s guaranteed to give you dragon breath, but the potent virus-fighting action of garlic will be coating the throat and quickly absorbing into the blood stream. After 15 minutes, or when the “heat” of the garlic becomes uncomfortable, just spit the garlic out. Do this three times a day for best effect, whenever you’re exposed to colds or flu. Preventatively, you could do it every night before bed!

Fresh raw garlic a bit too extreme for you? Here’s a simple recipe for making the potent power of garlic more palatable: peel the skin from each clove of several heads of garlic. Fill a mason jar 2/3 of the way full with the peeled garlic cloves. Then pour apple cider vinegar into the jar until it is halfway full, and honey in until it is the rest of the way full. Put the lid on, and leave the jar on the counter: in a few weeks, the garlic will be pickled, and much more pleasant to eat! They will continue to improve over time. Eat one pickled garlic clove a day, and use the garlicky honey-vinegar in sauces and dressings.

If you love vinegar, here’s another easy recipe. It worked for the Plague, it’ll work for you! The recipe is called “Thieves’ Vinegar,” and there are many variations of the recipe and the legend available online, but here’s my favorite: Add 1/4 cup sage, 1/4 cup rosemary, 1/4 cup thyme, several red chili peppers, and at least 8 cloves of fresh garlic to a quart-sized mason jar. Cover the whole mix with apple cider vinegar, and let sit for 2-4 weeks. Take one shot-glass of the vinegar daily as a strong preventative against colds and flu. If you don’t like the taste of vinegar enough to take it daily, keep the jar around and use it as medicine the next time you get sick.

Loving that body you’re in

Your immune system, like all of your body’s systems, is really designed to deal with this. So, the best place to start is by supporting your body in its efforts.

• Nutrition: A well-nourished body is better equipped to fight viruses. Sugar, artificial flavors and colors and pesticides all decrease the body’s capacity to fight off infections. So, start with whole foods and include a wide variety of foods, especially plants for lots of nutrients. Avoid pre-processed convenience foods and food-like snacks. While they fill your belly, they leave you weakened and unbalanced nutritionally.
• Rest: Yes, you really need those Zzzs. Researchers have found that, like nutrition, getting enough sleep is directly related to avoiding colds and flus. Personally, I visited with a friend hospitalized with the flu twice this winter already. For a few nights after each visit my body quietly requested more sleep and I followed its advice. No flu here. (This is an anecdote, and not proof at all. The proof is in the research. However, the experience really brought home the lesson for me.) If it seems like you have to sacrifice too much to get that sleep, think about what will happen to your schedule if you get the flu instead.
• Washing those hands of yours: Our hands are in everything, and it is when we carry the viruses on them (from the air or surfaces that we touch) into our eyes, nose or mouth that we give ourselves a cold or flu. Fortunately, simply washing with soap and water (for a good 20 seconds) is enough to kill the majority of viruses available (as well as most bacteria, fungi, and assorted yucky stuff.) Anti-bacteria soaps are unnecessary and cause more problems.

What to do if you get sick anyway

Despite our best efforts, it is always possible (and in the big picture fairly likely) that we will catch something at least once in a while. Here are ways to support your body’s capacity to fight off the virus, which will help you feel better and get back to your normally scheduled life sooner.

Flu Treatment

Your immune system will do the heavy lifting, the actual fighting off of the virus. You can support your immune system's efforts (resting well, eating well, and washing well), and you can treat the symptoms for a little bit of comfort while you wait:

• Hot water helps with congestion: Hot steamy showers or baths, or a hot cup of tea or soup held up to your nose, can help to steam your sinuses loose a little.
• Kitchen remedies for congestion: horseradish, cayenne or jalapeño, and wasabi. You can choose the one that you like best. In most cases, you don’t even need to eat these things in order to clear your sinuses – simply opening the jar and breathing deeply can be enough to get your faucet running!
• Use gravity: Sleep and rest in a semi-reclined position to let gravity drain your nose enough to let you breath.
• Ginger, clove and cinnamon: For sore throats, a tea made by boiling whole cloves can (temporarily) soothe the discomfort. A tea from boiling whole ginger and cinnamon will support your body’s heating up. If you boil all three together, they also taste really lovely.
• Cooling off a (too high) fever: Remember that normally (almost always) your fever is good for you (see Is it a bug or a feature below). If your fever does get high enough to cause you serious concern, try some peppermint tea to let the heat out (in a cleansing sweat). For a slow cooling, a cool compress to the forehead and wrists.
• Grandma’s Thyme Steam: Take a pot of water at a rolling boil, and set it on a table. Being careful not to burn yourself, make a “tent” over your head with a towel or a blanket, and lean over to inhale the steam. Add two handfuls of good quality dried thyme, and/or sage and oregano. All three of these plants have potent volatile oils that are strongly anti-microbial. When you add them to the pot of boiling water, those volatile oils are released into the steam, and you inhale them right into your respiratory tract, and lungs.

How to slow the spread in your family

Once one person in the family gets sick, it’s just a matter of time before everyone else gets it, right? Well, maybe. If this strain is new to you and your family, and different enough from other colds and flus you have been exposed to, it is pretty likely that it will go from person to person; if it is similar enough to a strain you have been exposed to previously, on the other hand, you may not even notice it passing by. Either way, there is a bit you can do to decrease your chances of others getting it (other than banishing the sickly one to the basement):

• Back to the basics: Make sure that everyone gets as much sleep as their bodies are asking for, eats as healthy as possible, and washes their hands as much as possible.
• Air it out: Open the windows whenever possible to air out the space – even just 5 or 10 minutes can bring in fresh clean air, decreasing the concentration of the cold or flu virus in the air. Less in the air means you are exposed to less.
• Anti-microbial spray: You can also make up a spray bottle of water with 10-20 drops of essential oil of rosemary and 10-20 drops of essential oil of lavender. This combination is anti-microbial, boosts energy and the immune system, and has been found in French state hospital trials to kill germs as well, and for a longer period of time than chemical sterilizing agents. Plus, it smells nice! Spray it frequently around the house, lightly spray the bedding when you’re ready to get up for a little while (leave the blankets open to air out), use it to wipe down counters – you can even use it to moisten a handkerchief before use (damp handkerchiefs feel better on a raw nose)!

Antibiotics and viruses

Antibiotics kill bacteria. Viruses are not bacteria. If you are fighting a viral infection (and colds and flus are viral), antibiotics won’t work. Frequently it seems like they worked because they take a week or two to finish, during which time your body has fought off the virus (and the imbalance to your good bacteria caused by the unnecessary use of antibiotics). Some doctors report being pressured into prescribing antibiotics by patients (or patients’ parents). Others want to give a patient (or patient’s parent) something tangible, and when the cause is a virus, there isn’t much they can really do. Either way, antibiotics can be counter-productive except when a bacterial infection needs to be addressed.

Is it a “bug” or a “feature”?

Interesting tid-bit about cold and flu symptoms: they aren’t actually caused by the virus. The symptoms that we associate with colds and flus (fever, runny nose, coughing, aches and pains, etc.) are actually caused by our own immune system doing its very best to end the viral infection. Fevers, for example, kill off viruses that cannot survive the higher temperatures. Extra mucus (runny and/or stuff nose) is created to protect the body from the invasive virus. Glands swell (for example in your throat) as they fight the virus trapped there (to keep it from getting into the rest of your body.) Sore throats are frequently a side-effect of either the extra mucus or swelling in the area, and aches and pains are frequently a side-effect of the fever. So, as much as no one likes the symptoms, if we are too good at defeating them, our bodies will have a very hard time fighting off the virus – like asking a boxer to go into the ring with his hands tied behind his back. In addition, like any system (think of your muscles), the immune system needs the exercise to be good at its job; each cold or flu helps protect you from nastier stuff down the road.

Realistic expectations

Despite what schools and workplaces expect, a cold is expected to last 1 to 2 weeks – weeks, not days. The flu can really knock you out for several days with a high fever, and you can really feel the flu for 10 days to 2 weeks. This is normal. While there are reasons you would go to the doctor with a flu or cold, it is important to know that it is not realistic to expect even a simple cold to be gone in a day or two. Just settle in with the blankets, the soup, the tea, and let your body rest.

So, eat well, sleep well, and wash well. You will be taking care of yourself for you and those that depend on you, and you will decrease how much your schedule is disrupted by colds and flus. And soon (only a month or two) we will emerge from yet another cold and flu season into the sunshine of Spring and Summer. This too shall pass.

The Meaning of Snow

Just a few days ago, the National Weather Service reported that 49 states had snow on the ground. (Florida, not Hawai'i, was the hold out.) Friends from Southern states were commenting that their towns were shut down for days as they lacked the capacity to deal with the white frozen stuff, while friends nearby (we had just received 12-20 inches of snow in my area) were lamenting the strain and challenges of shoveling and snowblowing. The conversation could well have been filed under "First real snow of the year" and filed for next year around this time. At least here in the North East, we really seem to enjoy talking about the weather, so this conversation will undoubtably be used again and again. In fact, we are due to receive more snow in a few days.

As I shoveled (and shoveled and shoveled), after contemplating the weight of the snow (especially wet and heavy) and before I started to contemplate my physical limitations, I discovered several benefits of snow. In the interest of sharing joy and health, and of preparing for next week's expected storm, I wanted to share these discoveries with you.

The first unmistakable benefit of snow hits you before you have even walked out, when you open your eyes in the morning after the snow has fallen. The world is measurably brighter! The sun is shining, having emptied the clouds, and that sunshine reflects and refracts all over the place. It is stunning. The increased light, especially at this time of increased darkness, is healing to the psyche; it feels good. It also can remind us to think with greater clarity, to avoid hiding behind the veils of drama that we can add to any situation. When we add drama, we can not see a situation honestly, we usually upset ourselves which decreases our health, and we find it much harder to find a way out of those situations. When we see our lives more clearly, the acts of others carry no additional, unhelpful, meaning. That simplicity is beautiful and helpful in and of itself.

The next benefit that strikes the senses, is the quiet. Snow's blanket over all the hard and sharp surfaces softens the bouncing sound waves. I live in the city, and this difference is huge. The constant background noise of buses and trucks and cars and people and dogs and horns and... that accompanies me all day and night throughout the rest of the year is turned down when it snows. It is a wonderful relief. The sudden quiet also encourages meditation and inward seeking (hence this blog post.) This is not surprising as many cultures that experience these seasonal changes see deep winter as a spiritual, inward-facing time of the year.

Quickly, the next benefit manifests itself: slow down. One cannot run through snow. One can not rush shoveling. All one can do is pick the snow up and put it down, carefully pick your way down the street, whether walking or driving. You are required to pay attention to this moment. While shoveling, not paying attention can lead to muscle strain or pinched nerves. While walking, it can lead to a spill, and while driving an accident can result. The roads have changed shape and size and the sidewalks are multidimensional and slippery; autopilot is simply not an option. Being here, now, for this unique and precious moment and aware of our surroundings is a huge gift! By slowing down and doing less multitasking, our health and well-being are enhanced. As I've mentioned before, if we are not aware of this day, it is as if it never happened. By requiring us to be more aware, we have the gift of moments, hours, days we would have missed otherwise.

Finally, the last gift is that of community. As we shovel snow, we recognize that we are all in the same boat, and barriers between people can come down. We also can not ignore that we are interconnected; where I put my snow will impact those around me if I am not thoughtful. This gift was brought more strongly to my attention this year. We have had neighbors that we have barely seen since they arrived last summer. I have judged them unkindly over that time. Earlier this week, as we shoveled together, up to our knees in the same snow, I got to know them a little bit. I feel far more empathy for them (this was the first snow they have seen in their lives, and they were unsure on where to even begin in the digging out). I also know that they have benefited by starting to know their neighbors and starting to connect with their community. Over the years of living in this city, frequently known for its lack of kindness by some stereotypes, I have always enjoyed this change in temperament the most! And, as I've mentioned before, community is a key ingredient in health.

These are not all of snow's gifts to us. There is physical activity and exercise involved with snow -- whether you are moving through it or trying to relocate it -- and there is cleaner air to breath, just to name a few. Yes, snow is inconvenient, and even now the clean white blanket is a dirty coating in many places. But, it is also a gift to be enjoyed.